oh, Well...

E ca atunci cand ai asteptari… and all falls apart.

Bineinteles ca cea mai buna solutie e sa nu existe cauza… sa nu ai din start asteptari…si asa, nu mai ajungi sa ai nici probleme, dezamagiri. Credeam ca am aplicat aceasta strategie. Well, what happened this time? Cand mi-am zis ca nu am asteptari, de fapt, de la cine m-am asteptat la ceva si la ce?

Incep sa cred ca nu pot trai fara asteptari. Pentru ca stand acum, aici, reflectand la nu stiu ce sentimente, trairi, etc, sau poate doar plictisindu-ma in casa, imi dau seama ca nemultumirea si frustrarea mea apar de fapt cand ocolesc “nevoia de asteptari”.

E ca atunci cand totul a fost scris dinainte, iar eu, din intamplare, am citit ceva nepermis…

Sau, e ca si cum ai fi inchis intr-o cusca si desi cheia ar sta la picioarele tale, ai ocoli-o mereu cu privirea.

Sad…

oh, well, at least Santa does exists, right?!

Everything's gonna be alright...

Me... thinking of you...and it will be just fine...
(no other words needed)


Stream of Life

The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day
runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.

It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth
in numberless blades of grass
and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.

It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth
and of death, in ebb and in flow.

I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.
And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment.

Make a Wish

(are you capable?)

O sa instig la un joc copilaresc. (hai sa construim impreuna un joc…)
Pentru ca…sunt perioade cand ma simt mai matura ca oricand si nu imi place :). Pentru ca da, trebuie sa fim maturi, dar e gresit daca o facem "losing the kid inside”. Copiii chiar stiu sa “isi doreasca cu adevarat”
Asa ca hai sa facem din “azi”…o zi altfel..

Back to the End

( learning from mistakes)

Mi se spune ca imi sta cel mai bine in postura de femeie independenta. Nu asta imi doresc neaparat, dar mi-am dat seama ca e ceva vital (pentru mine); am nevoie si imi face bine – sa fiu independenta.
Asa ca o sa incerc sa invat a-mi pastra independenta constant si poate intr-o zi voi reusi sa o “manevrez” mai usor si mai bine si atunci cand sunt intr-o relatie, si cand tin la cineva...si atunci cand am tot ce imi doresc (din toate pct de vedere).
E usor sa ai tot ce iti doresti. Mai greu e si sa pastrezi ceea ce ai. Si nu pentru ca nu stii sa apreciezi (asta tine de alt subiect) ci pentru ca, de cele mai multe ori, incepi sa devii una cu ceea ce “detii”, te indentifici cu slujba ta, pozitia in societate, cu parerile celorlalti etc. “the things you own end up owning you”; iar atunci iti sare “soarta” in ajutor. Pierzi, ca sa fii salvat…

Breath in, breath out…or…

...Breath out, breath in?
I guess both. Life’s like the breathing…
De asta sunt bine acum. E timpul sa “expir”. And what I’m breathing in…is a bittersweet freedom.
Uneori, nu tine de noi sa "facem alegerile". De multe ori viata alege pentru noi sau o fac ceilalti.
Si atunci cand se intampla asta, suferim, pentru ca in primul rand, nu avem noi controlul si pentru ca e frustrant cand ne afecteaza deciziile altora ( pe care poate tot noi le-am ingaduit). Ar fi ideal, pt fiecare dintre noi, ca absolut tot ceea ce ne dorim sa se concretizeze.

Mix de dimineata

E sambata diminteata, sunt la birou… constransa de un deadline…
Cam asa e in ultimul timp… I’m a too busy bee…
Dar gandul ca lucrurile or sa se linisteasca in curand, ma ajuta sa nu “cad”. Nu e cazul, mai ales acum…
Reciteam un e-mail…( Abia acum pot face asta… I was too ashamed of it)… un e-mail in care “m-am expus”… am aratat cuiva ce simteam si cum eram la momentul respectiv.
Stiam de pe atunci ca e o greseala, dar e natura mea sa aleg mereu a face greseli, decat a nu face nimic.

Act for Life

Se zice ca mai avem maxim 10 ani, sa ne schimbam modul de viata…complet, sa “reinventam” viata…
Nu stiu cat mai avem. Dar conteaza asta? Trebuie sa incepem de azi;
Si nu doar de frica altor posibile catastrofe naturale, sau sub presiunea vreunei teorii de “sfarsit de lume”…ci din constiinta morala (what’s left of it) care ne defineste ca… oameni.
Incalzire globala? Racire globala? O noua era glaciara?
Sunt atatea speculatii! Daca nu stiu raspunsul ei, oamenii de stiinta…eu de unde sa stiu?!
Unii zic ca e doar un ciclu al pamantului, care nu poate fi stopat, altii aduc argumente religioase, altii mentioneaza ca ar fi doar o alta modalitate de manipulare in masa (Is it? Daca da, as vrea sa stiu scopul ascuns si consecinta negativa a acestui fapt).

Have you seen me (lately)…?

“And all the little things that make up a memory…Like she said she loved to watch me sleep. Like she said: Its the breathing, its the breathing in and out and…”

Ce faci?
Nu am vorbit cu tine de mult, sunt ocupata, esti ocupat/a…
Avem atat de multe lucruri "importante" de facut, ca uit sa te mai intreb cu setea de a primi raspuns real “Ce faci?” “Ce ai mai facut?”
Asta pentru ca ma intorc obosita de la birou, si dupa cateva ore de master…si nu vreau sa mai stiu de nimeni si nimic.
Asta pentru ca suntem mereu tired…and I feel really tired inside ( si tot imi spun “wake up!”)
Si scriind acum, imi dau seama iar, ca unul din lucrurile cele mai triste e sa te plimbi intr-o mare de oameni, intr-un oras aglomerat, dar plin de oameni singuri.

Asa ca va intreb Diana, Ionut, Catalin, Andreea, Ovidiu, mama, tata..si pe toti din viata mea: Ce faceti? Cum sunteti?
I haven’t seen you lately, have you seen yourself? Have u seen me?

Have you seen yourself, have you seen me?

Incendiem cuvinte si ganduri si idei si sentimente…(Si macar de ar ramane doar cenusa si nu am mai simti nimic…)
….pentru ca uneori ne promitem si promitem si celorlati cu o prea mare usurinta si la fel de usor uitam. Ma intreb de ce ... Si una din “explicatiile” care imi vin in cap (desi nu stiu cat de bine se aplica aici)….poate fi pentru ca mereu ne ghidam dupa “a ne fi bine”.

“Minute”… ( De ce lucrurile sunt entuziasmante numai la inceput…?)

Ai simtit vreodata ca vrei sa schimbi tot ce s-a intamplat in ultimele minute… si cu cat te indepartezi de acele minute, cu atat te cuprinde disperarea ca vezi cum se scurg, si nu mai poti sa le insfaci, sa le tii strans in pumn si chiar sa le strivesti…si sa dispara?
Au fost minutele, vorbele care au schimbat totul…si care inca te indeparteaza si mai mult de “inceput”.
Au fost sutele de secunde, care au sfarmat in mii de bucatele …the space between u and me….

Versuri legate...

Nightwish...preferatii mei...

candva... am combinat unele versuri....incercand sa le dau un alt sens...asa ca m-am gandit sa postez "capodopera" :)

The dead child's poem - Once upon a time...

I was born amidst the purple waterfalls...
I was weak, yet not unblessed.
Alive for the journey...
One night I dreamed a white rose withering,
a newborn drowning a lifetime loneliness.
I dreamed all my future...

and I felt....All those beautiful people
I wanted to have them...to have them all...
All those porcelain models
If only I could make them fall...
Be my heart a well of love
Flowing free so far above...

I was dreaming the stars...
but...life's cicles interfered and...now...everything's dust..
and I drank from the cup which was counting my time
the poison drop...

Look into my eyes now ... and see the wanderer
See the mirrors of a wolf behold the pathfinder
the violent truth:
In my world
Love is only for poets
Never the famous balcony scene
Just a dying faith
On a heaven's gate...

Where have all the feelings gone?
Why has all the laughter ceased?

Why am I loved only when I'm gone?

How can I ever feel again?
Given the chance would I return?

Why is the deadliest sin - to love as I loved you?
My tale is the most bitter truth:
Time pays us but with earth & dust, and a dark, silent grave.
Remember, my child: Without innocence the cross is only iron,
hope is only an illusion and..an ocean soul's nothing but a name...

and still...
in what they called love...lies the beauty of the world of which dead made me an artist...


LETTER TO THE PAST...

Born from silence, silence full of it
A perfect concert my best friend
So much to live for, so much to die for
If only my heart had a home...

Sing what you can't say
Forget what you can't play
Hasten to drown into beautiful eyes
Walk within my poetry, this dying music
- My loveletter to nobody....

Never sigh for better world
It's already composed, played and told...

I've created a kingdom, reached for the wisdom
but failed in becoming a god...

Never sigh...

Think of me long enough to make a memory...
"If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it
Remember only the verse, songmaker's cry the one without tears
For I've given this its strength and it has become my only strength.
Comforting home, mother's lap, chance for immortality
where being wanted became a thrill I never knew
The sweet piano writing down my life...

Teach me passion for I fear it's gone
Show me love, hold the lorn
So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me
I'm sorry...
Time will tell (this bitter farewell)
I live no more to shame nor me nor you
And you... I wish I didn't feel for you anymore..."

Now sleep Eden sleep..
My fallen son
Slumber in peace...cease the pain...
Life's just in vain
For us to gain...Nothing but all the same

No healing hand for your disease...
Drinking scorn like water
Cascading with my tears

In the end...
an angelface smiles to me
Under a headline of tragedy
That smile used to give me warmth...
Farewell - no words to say
beside the cross on your grave
and those forever burning candles...

Needed elsewhere...to remind us of the shortness of our time
Tears laid for them
Tears of love, tears of fear
Bury my dreams, my past, my sorrows
Oh, Lord why the angels fall first?!...